Sunshine has died

[helen99]

Sunshine passed away yesterday afternoon (the 23rd). He was 18 years old. He seemed to be ok until about six days ago, when I noticed he wasn't eating enough at all - a couple of bites and then that would be all, even though I was giving him wet cat food that had been broken up into small bites and diluted. Finally about 4 days ago he stopped eating altogether.

rialian started feeding him with a syringe and gave him kitten milk replacement formula mixed with cat food and a dab of NutriCal. Sunshine really didn't want it, but we couldn't just let him die of thirst and starvation. Nor could I bring myself to take him to the vet -- Aside from the fact that he really didn't want to go (which was the main reason I didn't take him), I felt certain they wouldn't do anything except maybe prolong it for a short time, or (more likely) tell me to put him to sleep. rialian and I both felt he wanted to be at home.

rialian spent the last four nights curled up with him on the couch (Sunshine's favorite spot), with Sunshine wrapped in a towel for warmth. We took turns bathing him and drying him and brushing his fur.

Anyway, rialian went home for lunch yesterday and fed him, and then got off work early and came home. At around 5:00 or so (before I had returned), he bathed Sunshine and dried him off and brushed him, and had him in his lap, purring softly, when he passed. rialian said that just after it happened, he heard a really loud purr, seeming to come from everywhere and nowhere, and he could feel Sunshine purring, but not physically.

rialian did a little meditation in which he was helping Sunshine across, and got the impression of Sunshine being received by the Celtic goddess Bridget. rialian wrapped him in the very old silk shirt of mine that I'd chosen for him - that shirt was about as old as he was and I loved it and wore it very often during his life. When I came home, Sunshine was curled up in my shirt beside my statue of Bast, and a candle was burning nearby.

The house feels a lot emptier without him. He was a very big presence. Plus it would seem he was Bridget's cat. I think I'm toast. There were all those times I got mad at him for spraying things, and all those times I shut him out of my room, and ... and ...) ...

I'm glad rialian was with him when he died, as he was the one who was there for him day and night toward the end, and he treated the crossing with a respect and reverence that I probably wouldn't have maintained, since I'd have been too occupied with becoming a total basket case...which I did quite admirably, I might add. But rialian took care of everything. When I came home, the house was spotless, and Sunshine was clean and dry and arrayed splendidly, as befits the gods when they return to rule the worlds...

Comments

*tears up*

[forestdweller.livejournal.com]

Ahh, Bless Sunshine, and you, and Rialian.

You were all the best for each other.

Safe passage, friend.

Re: *tears up*

[helen99.livejournal.com]

Thank you... When the end comes I never know if I did the right thing... If I have them put to sleep, I wonder if they would have rebounded (one of my cats actually did rebound for 6 months). If I don't have them put to sleep, I wonder if I maybe let them suffer needlessly. The only thing I had to go on was that he wasn't crying, and he seemed to want to stay home. I hope we did the right thing.

Re: *tears up*

[kaifoxx.livejournal.com]

Trust that you did.

It's not something I can really *explain*...I just *know* from my own experience with my dog Fergus. He was really old, and in 2001, began failing just after I went into the Army..I came home two monthes later, to him being seriously ill, and a roommate who was frantic, not knowing WHAT to do for him.
I took him to the vet. We tried antibiotics, as he seemed to have a kidney infection.
After two weeks, he seemed to be doing just fine..until the antibiotics ran out. And the infection returned with a vengeance.
Took him back to the vet. She ran tests, his kidneys were deteriorating.

I had a friend along, and we sat in the vet.s office, trying to decide what would be best for Fergus. And she told me, her biggest impression was, that Fergus was only still around at all, because of me, and maybe it was time to let him go.
We mutually decided it would be better for him, to go ahead with putting him to sleep, because he did seem to be in considerable pain.

We also decided I would be there with him, in the Vet.s office, when he went.
And the strangest thing...
The Vet. went to prepare the injection, and I was holding Fergus, and talking to him, telling him it was Okay now. He didnt need to hold on anymore..that I loved him, but he didnt need to suffer anymore, because of me.
He curled up in my arms, put his head in my elbow, and went...
He was already gone, by the time the Vet returned with the shot.

So, if you got the feeling he wanted to be at home...then you really did the right thing. Thats where he wanted to be.

((((Hugs))))
To the both of you...

Re: *tears up*

[helen99.livejournal.com]

*Hugs*. I'm very glad you gave each other this gift before the vet got back. I think part of the problem the cats have with me is that I have held on for too long, thinking more of me than of them, and so they stay beyond what they need to. Letting go is a good thing.

Re: *tears up*

[kaifoxx.livejournal.com]

I dont think it's something they mind doing...they understand they are loved and needed...and for that, ALL beings would do just about anything. Cats (and dogs) are no exception..consider how things tend to go, for them, with people who dont love them as much as you and Rialian do.

They will go, when they know you will be as okay as you can be...because they love YOU too.

Re: *tears up*

[ivy]

I'm sure that you did. He was a good kitty; my condolences to you and the rest of the family. [lights a sandalwood candle for him]

Re: *tears up*

[helen99.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Luckily the rest of our kitties are still pretty young (Sageti is now the oldest and he's about 10). Barring illness, we shouldn't have to go through this again for a long time.